Mind Your Own Business

When we were children, if we interrupted while our elders were speaking, or if we eavesdropped on someone’s conversation or tried to find out the neighbourhood gossip, our wise mother would shoot a stern look in our direction and say in a firm voice: “Mind your own business!”

As we got older though, conditioned by the world we live in, we started believing that it was quite normal to comment on how others live their lives. We do it so casually and seem to have developed an opinion about almost everything and everyone – from how our neighbours should maintain their lawns to what schools our nieces and nephews should attend, how our bosses should run their companies and even how a particular dish needs to be cooked – nothing seems off limits anymore. We comment on people’s parenting styles, business ethics, diets, priorities, values and belief systems. It has become human nature, and the irony is that we often have such strong opinions about subjects in which we rarely know all the facts, and in which we have little or no expertise at all. Do we hold a master’s degree in any of these fields?

Where does this need to constantly judge others stem from? And is our constant judgment of others helpful to them or ourselves in any way? If not, then perhaps it is time to recall the words we were often told as children and once again learn to mind our own business.

What is our “business” in this world, and how do we “mind” it? Let us start by taking a closer look at the words themselves. If we break them up to their simplest form, it means to concentrate our mind or turn our mind and thoughts towards our business. If we must be busy bodies, then let us start by analyzing, or turning our minds towards ourselves.

Maharaj Ji beautifully explains:

Christ said in the Bible very clearly that we don’t see the beam in our own eyes, but we are very anxious to see even just a little straw or something in another person’s eyes. We don’t sit in judgment on ourselves, but we are always anxious to sit in judgment on others. We don’t look within; we always try to look out, to see how others behave. We never try to see what we are, how we behave, where we stand. We’re only concerned with where other people stand. We want them to be perfect but we don’t want ourselves to be perfect. Actually we love them more than we love ourselves. We hate ourselves. So we don’t try to look within to see that we must love ourselves, that we must sit in judgment on ourselves and make ourselves whole, make ourselves pure.
_{Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. III}

It seems then that our true business in this world is to learn to improve ourselves, or, as explained by Maharaj Ji, to learn to love ourselves and make ourselves whole. Generally, when we take care of ourselves first, we are considered selfish. But in this case, the Master is openly telling us not to focus on making others perfect, but to direct that energy inwards towards making ourselves perfect. Doesn’t that seem like a much more fulfilling cause?

How do we go about the business of making ourselves ‘perfect’? Of course, there is no better business plan than meditation for the task of purifying our minds. Rolling up our sleeves and facing our biggest enemy head on for two and half hours daily eventually turns each one of us from self-haters into his lovers. In addition, Sardar Bahadur Ji also provides some practical advice about daily introspection. He says:

Give a few minutes every day to introspection and close self-examination. Carefully scrutinize your day’s work. Thank the Lord for the good deeds done and repent for the evil ones, with a strong resolve never to do them again.
_{The Science of the Soul}

The truth is that no matter how much we may introspect, or turn our mind towards our own business, there will always be people who seem to unjustly meddle in our affairs. Once again, we need to concern ourselves only with whether we have been fair, sincere and honest. If so, and if our intentions are truly noble, then our egos should not be bruised when others do not take our advice or if we get unsolicited criticism. On the contrary, Maharaj Ji tells us that critics can often turn out to be our best guides in life. He advises us on how we should take their advice and also use it to our own benefit:

We should always keep our ears and eyes open to our critics. We must weigh their criticism without any ill will towards them. If it has any weight, we should try to learn from that criticism and try to improve ourselves. If it is just for the sake of criticizing, you can just ignore it. But our critics are the best guides in our lives, for our improvement.
_{Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. III}

In fact, large corporations often hire costly consultants or experts to assess the company’s deficiencies in an unbiased manner. They do so because their ultimate objective is the success of the company, and they rather tackle their problems head on. In the same manner, critics can be viewed as experts sent by the Lord to help us in the business of bettering ourselves. When we are so eager to hear people’s praise, why not be just as open-minded towards their criticism? If anything, aren’t their opinions the ones that will truly help us demolish our egos?

If that is the case, doesn’t it also follow that we have a duty to correct a wrong when we see it? Definitely, there are certain relationships that require action on our part. For example, as parents to younger children or in taking care of our elderly parents, we are often required to be very involved in their day-to-day decision making – their business seems to inevitably be linked with ours. Even at work or in seva, when working with a team, our opinions may often clash with others’. Maharaj Ji explains that in such situations, what is most important is that our intentions stay sincere.

Our approach should be one of love, of helpfulness. But if we think we are superior, then we are only using the truth to humiliate the other person.
_{Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. III}

On another occasion, he elaborated:

Sister, you can tackle the same problem in two ways. You can be polite and lovingly explain with constructive suggestions, or you can condemn the same action. It all depends on how you approach the subject. So even if we have to criticize or correct anybody, there must be love behind it, with the aim to reform the other person.
_{Spiritual Perspectives, Vol. III}

The problem is that when we criticize others, we often do so behind their backs, because we lack the love or the true intention of reforming or helping the other person. On the contrary, we often judge others because it helps us feel superior – and we use judgment as a means to cover up our own insecurities.

But there is a better way to make ourselves feel whole, or to love ourselves, as Hazur Maharaj Ji put it– and that is simply by turning within.

So, is aimless judgment helpful to others or ourselves in any way? The answer is clearly no. Perhaps it is time for us to change the mission statement of our lives from judging others to loving ourselves – and in doing so, it might be helpful to recall the advice of our first truly loving critic, our mothers, who often reminded us to “mind our own business”.

Think not of the faults of others,
  of what they have done or not done.
Think rather of your own sins,
  of the things you have done or not done.
_{Siddhartha Gautama Buddha, Sayings of the Buddha}